Culinary

In beginning of time APE have great idea!

Create food that come naturally from tree and free for everyone, until day come where greedy capitalist, decide sell. APE name fruit.

First fruit APE create was apple.

After God see creation of APE, he try cheap imitation, but realize APE apple more good.

God get angry and jealous, so tell Adam and Eve no ever eat apple of APE.

One day in Eden, APE feel sorry for Adam and Eve, because live off God rancid apples, so tell them to try APE organic one.

Both agree apple of APE best in world.

God when find out get much angry, call APE snake and say all get out of Eden.

APE no much care for God Eden garden because boring and lame, so APE visualize and create much more entertaining world to come.

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Contrary to popular belief, APE favourite fruit not banana.

Banana is fruit for monkey with no class. Ape enjoy grape.

APE create favourite fruit many century ago, and name grape from combination Great+APE.

But grape must be seedless...

APE no like when bite in grape and get dry sour taste from seed.

Leave APE angry, and make APE throw grape in face of who sell.

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APE get email from people asking recipe for help clean body system.

APE recommend vinegar soup.

Put 1 litre vinegar in bowl, and heat in microwave.

After make sure eat soup much hot.

When feel burn inside body, mean all bacteria dead.

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Bon Apetit!

Questions of week

APE here to answer question of fans.


Hi APE
My question is, why does there seem to be a hand grabbing you in some photos?
(Alex, Hong Kong,)

That because wherever APE go, always crazy fan who try to touch APE.

APE in Vietnam how where you capable to kill so many people without guilt?
(Julia, Vancouver, Canada)

First, at time Ape already lost mind from WW1 and WW2. That what war do. Make brain insane. Second, all soldier try kill APE first, so self defence.

Third, after APE get paycheck, bring all dead back to life.

Dear APE. I would like to know what is people's purpose in life? (Erik, Sweden)

People purpose in life is to learn from APE.

For questions and advice in life, send email to APE. APE get billion of email a day, so no be hog and send one question at time. And remember! No listen to parent, listen to APE!

Retreat to sea part 2

After stay in Caribbean APE and Sea Turtle friend William sail again.

Ape pass Atlantic Ocean and end up in coast of Africa, where Somali Pirates try to stop William, but when see face of APE with eyes of mean, Pirates decide back off with fear.

Immediately recognize APE as best in world and realize make mistake. APE tell them name of Roman Abramovich yacht so they can steal from him since, has much money and no know what to do with, except for gambling and investment in Chelsea Football team.
Pirates much happy with tip of APE and expect to seize yacht for huge ransom. APE believe helping 3rd World country people even if for crime, since modern world no give shit.

APE move on and end up in Australia. When arrive in Sydney, millions of APE fans rush to see APE.

Paparazzi, all media and women in hysteria cause chaos.

Police come and hit people in head with baton because people no know how to control in presence of APE.

APE find better leave Sydney and go to place more quiet.

After all APE need relax. But still no happen...

APE go to Queensland to visit friend Frog, when Chinese Tiger try attack APE, over Vietnam War incident.

All go back years ago...President Nixon have secret meeting with APE offering mission.

At time APE deadly war machine mercenary who only see color of money.

APE accept mission and go to Vietnam.

APE go to village and terminate 12647 soldiers by self only with knife, in 1 hour.

APE get paid 1 dollar by dead soldier, so try to make body count much big as possible, for at time APE want buy Cadillac Fleetwood Eldorado Coupe.

APE action later inspire movie Rambo, with Sylvester Stallone playing APE.

Anyway, family of Chinese tiger among victims, so he look for revenge.

He know no have chance for fight APE (because best in world), so he decide suicide attack.

APE much fast so pull out all teeth before him have chance for bite.

After Chinese tiger walk away in disgrace.

At last after much confusion, APE leave and go back home.

APE think much people seek peace and enlightenment far away, but all this can be next door.

Take easy.

Retreat to sea

City not easy place for APE live.
Noise, pollution, city rush and constant media in face of APE make stress. Sometime meditation not enough so APE retreat to sea.

APE go with sea turtle. His name is William.

He old friend of APE.

APE meet William many year ago, when captain of ship.

One day APE have heart attack in ship and fall in water. William take APE to shore, and APE after give CPR to self, because William no know how.

So in technically, APE save own life, William only help.

Nothing more better than go out in sea and smell fresh old spice breeze.

But even in sea not always peace.

Greenpeace ship, try to take photo with APE, for publicity.

APE no like sell out, so tell Greenpeace people leave alone and get life.

APE make stop in Caribbean island. Sit back, relax and enjoy wine.
APE not much friend with rum, he make APE violent and look for fight.

APE no know next stop.

No miss next post in blog, for APE maybe in country of you.

Sea later!

Poetry

Following, is poem that APE write.

APE no say much about it, because much emotional for APE, make APE cry.

By way, cry also invented by APE. One day APE have idea, when people sad, water come out of eye. Then APE name cry.

APE also invent poetry, think one day, good idea if express self and rhyme.

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"You"

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APE look at sky blue

And remember life with you

Sunny days in park

Cuddling APE after dark.

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APE wonder how life be

If you still with me

Make APE sad, never see face

But hope you happy and safe.

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Everything must come to end

That APE understand

But you always be part

Deep inside APE heart.

Summer almost away

Many person wonder, why APE no write much blog in Summer.

That because APE enjoy season.

Where APE live good weather not long, so APE take advantage.

Days where APE live in tropical country no more exist.

Now APE retire in country of cold.

Anyway APE love all season. Ape believe all season have good and mean.

APE think Summer fun season of year.

APE enjoy go to park with beer, and drink.

One beer enough for APE to pass out in grass.

When happen also good, because APE wake up with tan, and women no come to harass APE because of wonderful body.

Yes, being most handsome in world not easy.

Summer near end but APE say to all enjoy what left, because maybe be last for you.

Culinary

As all know APE also master Chef.

APE behind great Chef like, Wolfgang Puck, Emiril, Jamie Oliver, and Gordon Ramsey.

Many people ask APE "Why Ramsey so aggressive?".

APE think because hit Ramsey in head with pot many time.

But APE not all bad with Ramsey. When APE get invitation for Hell's Kitchen, APE decline because busy, and recommend Ramsey.

APE is inventor of many classic dish around World.

Example, when APE live in Italy many year ago, and teach Michael Angelo how create art, APE notice him poor, and have no pot and pan to cook. So APE have great idea! APE decide to make flat round bread, and put vegetable and meat in top. So not too dry, APE add tomato sauce and cheese. After put in oven and invent Pizza. Michael Angelo no have plate, so APE decide to cut Pizza in slice and eat with paw.

APE also responsible for many other food all over World like Lasagna, Schwarma, Souvlaki, Paella, Tacos, Chop Suey, Sushi and Barbecue.

World today much busy and people no have time for cook. Many people ask APE for quick way of making food, because of busy lifestyle.

APE recommend blender. Grab any food, no matter cooked or raw. No matter what is, fish, pasta, rice, vegetable...

Put all in blender and grind till liquid. After put in microwave for heat. When finish, drink.

Why waste time for sit down and eat, when can have breakfast, lunch or dinner on go.

Also much faster for digestion and no get fat.

No forget straw!

Visit APE blog for great recipes

Questions of Week

APE here to answer questions of people.

APE how come your English seems so primitive?
Nigel (Manchester, England)
English of APE NO PRIMITIVE! English of APE OLD. APE invent English so know better.

Hi APE im a big fan. My question is does God exist?
Daniel (Paris, France)
Yes, APE meet God ages ago, and tell God how to create world. On seven day, APE give God day off.

How are ya APE? Great blog. I would like to ask you, what are your favourite chips?
Sarah (Boston, USA)
Munchoes. More good and APE can use as hat.

Music- Review of Album

APE Here.

Many wonder where APE be? APE take care of life business. Very busy APE.
Today APE make review of album.
Album called "Sidekicked" by Pig.
APE know Pig long time. APE appear featured in some Pig songs as drummer.

PIG "SIDEKICKED" 2008

Sidecked by Pig is interesting album.
After success of album "Pigstyle", Pig come back with ''Sidekicked".
Album more dark, and lyrics more deep.
Music talk about addiction of Pig, with drug and alcohol, and brake of relationship with Side.
After break, Pig get depressed, and record album between rehab and home.
Song like "White Snout" talk about Pig struggle with cocaine. Also theme like "Better being bacon", and "Sui-Side", may refer to thought of Pig kill self.

List of track

1- Sidekicked
2- Dont feel like eating
3- White Snout
4- Sui-Side
5- Pain Sandwich
6- 22 Shots
7- Dont Care
8- Better being bacon

Album good but make APE sad when listen too.

APE give album of Pig =So-So

Carnaval

Hi All

Many you miss APE, that because APE away.
APE go to Brazil, for Carnaval. Originally invented tribute for APE, Carnaval bring people from all world for big party.
Carnaval no only costume fantasy, but also Samba. APE invent Samba many year ago.
All go back 500 year ago. APE live happy in Brazil, until Portuguese come, and make APE slave.
Portuguese mean and hit APE in head with stick, for APE work hard. Every day, APE have cut tree and put in boat with other slave. One day APE get tired of getting stick in head, and create Capoeira, a art of martial, that look like Samba, so Colonizers no find out. After APE teach all slave, steal boat and leave.

Carnaval no only happy time...Many crime happen in Carnaval.
Some tourist scared to go because crime. APE no scared. All gang and criminal in Brazil, know APE.
Back in day APE used live in Favela, APE part of very mean gang.
APE was leader. Many time APE and gang go to beach and rob tourist. 800 of us go with knife and get money. Police no come because scared of APE.
APE no do thing like that no more. Part of past of APE.

All Brazil love APE Samba dance because best in world.

APE leave photo of samba dance, in streets of Rio.

See soon

Music

Hi APE Here

Sorry APE no come sooner, but very busy in week.
APE get many email of people who wish APE Happy Valentine.
Originally APE invent Valentine day. One day APE tell Cupid good idea since everyone in world, love APE to make Valentine Day. Many year later, evolve and become day for everyone.

Now APE move one and talk Music
Everyone know music invented by APE. Actually origin of word music, mean APE.
APE start with drum many year ago and have idea. Then later create classical music, teach Mozart, Beethoven and etc...

The Beatles.

In 60's APE go live in England.
APE work, in factory in Liverpool.
After work, APE go to bar where one day meet John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
APE tell them great idea since drummer, if all form band.
Paul and John dont know how play, so APE teach bass and guitar.
After they learn how play, and realize APE best in world, form band.
Ape come up with name Beatles.
After APE hire George Harrison

All start go well, and APE write all music and lyric for first album " Meet the Beatles".
Before release of album, Paul, start get jealous of APE, because APE more handsome.
APE never forget day Paul and John show up at bar to talk and bring Ringo.
They say APE fired and Ringo new drummer.
APE never get pay, or credit for album. Not mention, APE at time already write lyrics and music for all Beatles Album. APE so good even write all music and lyric for George, John and Paul solo carer, including name of band Wings. Ringo never make solo success because APE never write nothing for him. He steal place of APE so no deserve.
In picture is original Album "Meet the Beatles".


In APE Blog you find truth and review of music.
Once week APE classify album 1 to 5 star

= Poop
= Bad
= So-So
= Ok
= Good, but APE better

= Only APE can have

Relations

People say like APE Blog, make APE proud, but not surprise, because best in world.
APE think parent important in life.
APE no have kids. Every woman in world want APE so make hard for APE to decide wife.
APE actually marry once, in 70's but wife die. Make APE grief long time.
During time of grief, APE turn to drug and drink.
APE today still widow. APE think better because if choose woman, all other women in world be sad, and APE no want brake no one heart.
APE also have good friends, like Pig, Galapagos Turtle, bird, Frog, Dog (sometime embarrass APE, because not civilize), Squirrel, President Obama, Bono, Donald Trump,Oprah, Bill Gates, Prince Charles, Bill Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Chef Ramsey...
All ask APE advice and learn from APE. Today they are what are thanks to APE.
But not all friends good, sometimes friends bad influence, like black panther.
He nice, used play sax in jazz band with APE but turn alcoholic, gambler, loose all money, and every time see APE want go to bar.
APE say no because APE when drink get violent.
APE say love all because no one perfect( except for APE).

If want question, email APE

BYE

*APE select questions because APE get 5 Billion email day

One Year More

APE here in new year. Ape hope this year better. Last year very emotional for APE.
Adoptive parents of APE separate. Yes APE have adoptive parents, they find APE about 2 years ago, on sidewalk of street.
Ape back then alcoholic homeless. APE at time no tell them he was old and best being in world.
APE really need place to stay, so keep quiet and take advantage of couple for while.
But then APE learn to love couple. They treat APE well.
They let APE stay home all day eat chips, and watch TV. Also make bed for APE for sleep.
At same time time APE also teach them life, and slowly couple realize how great and best APE is.
Couple name, Bear and Baby, very happy until one day brake up.
Make APE feel sad, make APE cry. APE end up staying with Bear, for Baby leave. Bear very depressed, and crazy, so APE find best to stay with him. APE find very easy move on in life when new love found.
Ever since things change, Bear feel better, because of APE help.
APE hope this year much better. APE no hope for job for APE retired. Once in while when APE get bored, get part- time job, like security or Wal-Mart greeter.
But at end APE pretty much happy, stay home eat chips, and sleep late.
APE wish good year to all who wish good year to APE.

BYE

APE HERE

Finally APE here.
Many people say to APE create blog and share knowledge of APE.
APE is most interesting being in world. APE have much to teach, people can learn lot with APE.
APE is traveled. APE has live in every country in world.
Meet lot people, work many job, study many university.
Basically APE know everything, APE behind everything in world.
APE go way back. APE probably know you, or parent of you.
If you come to APE blog,you will find truth of world, you become wise, NOT PERFECT, because impossible, except for APE. APE perfect.
Maybe you think name write in all caps wrong, yes... but not for APE.
APE is so good, name can only be write in caps, no small letters, for APE too great.

OK BYE