Culinary

In beginning of time APE have great idea!

Create food that come naturally from tree and free for everyone, until day come where greedy capitalist, decide sell. APE name fruit.

First fruit APE create was apple.

After God see creation of APE, he try cheap imitation, but realize APE apple more good.

God get angry and jealous, so tell Adam and Eve no ever eat apple of APE.

One day in Eden, APE feel sorry for Adam and Eve, because live off God rancid apples, so tell them to try APE organic one.

Both agree apple of APE best in world.

God when find out get much angry, call APE snake and say all get out of Eden.

APE no much care for God Eden garden because boring and lame, so APE visualize and create much more entertaining world to come.

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Contrary to popular belief, APE favourite fruit not banana.

Banana is fruit for monkey with no class. Ape enjoy grape.

APE create favourite fruit many century ago, and name grape from combination Great+APE.

But grape must be seedless...

APE no like when bite in grape and get dry sour taste from seed.

Leave APE angry, and make APE throw grape in face of who sell.

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APE get email from people asking recipe for help clean body system.

APE recommend vinegar soup.

Put 1 litre vinegar in bowl, and heat in microwave.

After make sure eat soup much hot.

When feel burn inside body, mean all bacteria dead.

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Bon Apetit!

Questions of week

APE here to answer question of fans.


Hi APE
My question is, why does there seem to be a hand grabbing you in some photos?
(Alex, Hong Kong,)

That because wherever APE go, always crazy fan who try to touch APE.

APE in Vietnam how where you capable to kill so many people without guilt?
(Julia, Vancouver, Canada)

First, at time Ape already lost mind from WW1 and WW2. That what war do. Make brain insane. Second, all soldier try kill APE first, so self defence.

Third, after APE get paycheck, bring all dead back to life.

Dear APE. I would like to know what is people's purpose in life? (Erik, Sweden)

People purpose in life is to learn from APE.

For questions and advice in life, send email to APE. APE get billion of email a day, so no be hog and send one question at time. And remember! No listen to parent, listen to APE!

Retreat to sea part 2

After stay in Caribbean APE and Sea Turtle friend William sail again.

Ape pass Atlantic Ocean and end up in coast of Africa, where Somali Pirates try to stop William, but when see face of APE with eyes of mean, Pirates decide back off with fear.

Immediately recognize APE as best in world and realize make mistake. APE tell them name of Roman Abramovich yacht so they can steal from him since, has much money and no know what to do with, except for gambling and investment in Chelsea Football team.
Pirates much happy with tip of APE and expect to seize yacht for huge ransom. APE believe helping 3rd World country people even if for crime, since modern world no give shit.

APE move on and end up in Australia. When arrive in Sydney, millions of APE fans rush to see APE.

Paparazzi, all media and women in hysteria cause chaos.

Police come and hit people in head with baton because people no know how to control in presence of APE.

APE find better leave Sydney and go to place more quiet.

After all APE need relax. But still no happen...

APE go to Queensland to visit friend Frog, when Chinese Tiger try attack APE, over Vietnam War incident.

All go back years ago...President Nixon have secret meeting with APE offering mission.

At time APE deadly war machine mercenary who only see color of money.

APE accept mission and go to Vietnam.

APE go to village and terminate 12647 soldiers by self only with knife, in 1 hour.

APE get paid 1 dollar by dead soldier, so try to make body count much big as possible, for at time APE want buy Cadillac Fleetwood Eldorado Coupe.

APE action later inspire movie Rambo, with Sylvester Stallone playing APE.

Anyway, family of Chinese tiger among victims, so he look for revenge.

He know no have chance for fight APE (because best in world), so he decide suicide attack.

APE much fast so pull out all teeth before him have chance for bite.

After Chinese tiger walk away in disgrace.

At last after much confusion, APE leave and go back home.

APE think much people seek peace and enlightenment far away, but all this can be next door.

Take easy.